The Kind of Guy NEVER to Marry!

Dear Praying Unmarried Woman,
Its been a while since I've written for the blog but here I am again trying to cook up a little something that would be keep you on your toes ( Well I Hope..)


You have read it so many times on this blog and must have heard it somewhere else as well that the type of guy a man is when you are dating-is the same type of guy he would be when you are married. Don't get me wrong , I highly doubt that YOU can change a man, but I know that the Holy Spirit is the one who convicts and leads to change !! So having said that let's move to the main course of the meal....  The Types of Guys to stay clear from.


Warning: To those that are already involved with such men,perhaps we would talk more in details about how to deal with them in future posts ! 

1. Mr. Insecure/Controller

A man who is insecure about himself and the relationship might soon become Mr. Control. Unfortunately, despite how attractive some women find a jealous man, this cannot always be healthy. Every one in a relationship ought to have the liberty and space to grow as an individual. God created each and everyone as individuals and not as copies of our spouses. The individuality  and difference should not be the root of issues, but it should enable us to support one another and help us achieve our God-purposed destiny. Wanting to control the whereabouts of your spouse, the friends they keep, can sometimes be a reflection of  your insecurity.

2. Mr. Mama's Boy

The Bible clearly states that when a man is ready to marry they must "leave to cleave". This simply put means that the man should develop a mature and healthy detachment from his parental home. Always running to your mother for advice is okay at a certain point in life, but as a grown man with responsibility your strength should be dependent on your relationship with God and your lawfully wedded spouse. Having a husband who values his mother's opinion far more than your own can cause a strain on your relationship and might raise unnecessary issues. A mama's boy as the term connotes is a man who finds it difficult to make an important life decision without the consultation of their mother or their mother's approval of their choices. Think about it , Do you really want a Mama's boy? Or a relationship where you are constantly battling your mother in-law, for your own husband's attention?

3. Mr  Kent B. Faithful ( Mr Unfaithful)

If you know that a man has a track record for being unfaithful,perhaps getting involved with him and crossing your fingers that he will change is not your wisest bet. Coping with a spouse that is unfaithful can cause much stress and can bring with it low self esteem.  Before long you find yourself snooping around his computer, checking his phone and stalking his facebook page and all the females who have commented or liked his pictures. Is it not better to spare yourself of that grief. The effect of infidelity can be devastating to families, to the friendship that once existed between the couple, and the heart break involved.  Hebrew 13: 4 advises us to 

"Let marriage be honored among all and the marriage bed be kept undefiled, for God will judge the immoral and adulterers". 

4. Mr.Lay Z. (Mr Lazy)
From the foundation of the earth, the Lord declared that we should work in order to be fruitful. Having said that it also indicates that the man is to be the head of the home and this involves providing for his household. A man who hates to work and is satisfied with sleeping, might not be the best pick either. A 'free loader' as society calls them is someone who takes advantage of someone else without giving anything in return. Having such a man on your hands is such a hand full, because you will find yourself doing all the work and catering for the most  if not all of the need of your man. This can also cause frustration in a relationship and a desire to quit. 
I must put a clause in this paragraph as well, because on the flip side of the coin, a man who is always involved with his work and cannot cater for the emotional needs of his wife and family--should be careful. Woman tend to be emotionally wired and long for a conversation and their spouse's presence more than being 'bought' with jewelry.
Take time and meditate on this proverb (Prv 6:10-12)
A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest, and poverty will come upon you like a robber, and want like an armed man.

5. Mr. " I will be with you but I'll never commit"

This type of man, is very difficult to be with. The type who has the track record of dating numerous women and doesn't seem to have commitment in the horizon,is tough to deal with.  Women tend to bring their hopes up and dating such men for years without it amounting to much is painful.. Dating someone for years without any intention to marry them, without their knowledge is unfair.  What is the point of being in a relationship with someone who doesn't want the same things as you do- or does not want to be with you? There tons of reason why men refuse to commit. He might not be ready,they simply don't want to,they feel the dating dynamics suits him better than a committed relationship, they want to be financially stable and have their careers in place, etc ( the list continues as every man is different).. Some man want to enjoy the benefits of a relationship without taking the responsibility. The statement " It is better to have a courtship that is broken than a marriage" applies here . 
I have heard many testimonies of young women who have dated men for many years (3+years)  during their  prime youthful years just to tell them " you are not the one", after several years of keeping her hopes up. I wonder if those men did not know she was not the one after a year of dating, perhaps 2 years but to wait for  numerous years  before calling it off is inconsiderate. If you are one those women who have been hurt by such men, simply trust in the Lord, stand firm in your prayer -at times God uses the mechanism of time to heal.

Psalm 37:5-7
New International Version (NIV)

⁵ Commit your way to the Lord;
    trust in him and he will do this:
⁶ He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,
    your vindication like the noonday sun.

⁷ Be still before the Lord
    and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when people succeed in their ways,
    when they carry out their wicked schemes.

PS: If you know more types of  men to add to the list feel to add in the comments below. It'll be interesting to know what other women think

10 Things Woman do to Destroy their Marriage!

NOW! To balance the scale I must post about the things women do to destroy their marriages since a couple months ago I posted what Men Did..
 So Women its your turn, here it goes.

While both husband and wife should take responsibility for their part in a marriage, below are ten mistakes common to women, which can completely destroy a marriage.

1. Using words to hurt, maim and destroy your marriage: Although men are stronger, women have the advantage when it comes to verbal strength. Women are adept at brandishing the sharpest words in order to shame, demean and belittle their man. Words are like toothpaste. Once they are out, there is no getting them back in. Regardless of how sorry you are afterward, the damage has been done.

2. Having unrealistic expectations: 

Seeking fulfillment from one person, and projecting your unhappiness onto him when he doesn’t measure up will quickly destroy your marriage. If you feel unhappy, first examine reality. You will be happier if you shape your expectations to fit the reality of your situation. Expecting your spouse or children to make you happy is unrealistic. Make yourself happy.

3. Using sarcastic and critical statements, gestures, and facial expressions. This is a quick and easy way to show your husband that you don’t respect him or his opinion. Men can become overwhelmed by the barrage of criticism coming at them. The result is they shut down, withdraw, and seek kindness and approval elsewhere.

4. Criticize him, make fun of him and belittle him to your friends and family: Not only will this diminish your husband in your eyes, it will poison those closest to you. You force them to take sides, and of course they choose your side, because they want to be loyal to you. They will not look at your husband  in the same manner. Once you are over your tirade, they will still be mad at him. Your close friendships and relationships will remain irreparably altered against your husband, in time, this can destroy your marriage.

5. Withhold affection and sex: Men are wired differently than women. They need physical release through sexual intimacy. When you refuse to meet that need, you are making a much deeper statement; you do not care about or respect his needs. As much as you need emotional release and closeness, he is wired to need physical release and closeness. Neither is wrong. You are just different. While you want your emotional needs met, it is important not to lose sight of his needs. Think of it this way; what if he stopped talking to you for three days? How about a week? What if he didn’t talk to you for a month? Unconscionable. Likewise, it is unfair for you to cut him off from what he needs.

6. Disrespecting his insight, opinions and advice: Men are fixers. By nature, if you present a problem, he will come up with concrete steps to solve the problem. When you are dismissive, it sends the message that you do not value him. If you just want to  complain, call a girlfriend. Girlfriends are great listeners. They will not try to fix you. 

However, if you MUST whine at your husband, tell him UPFRONT  that you don’t need a solution, just an ear to hear. Sometimes, you might actually follow his advice. It could just work!

7. Undermining his authority, but demanding he take full responsibility:

 Be gracious in light of his decision making. You can respectfully disagree with a decision without attacking his ability to lead.

8. Never being happy: One of the quickest ways to destroy your marriage is to spend all your time acting miserable and unhappy. The goal of marriage should be peace and happiness.There is no need to express every angry, bitter or resentful thought. By owning your own problems, you can take responsibility for your own happiness. Each day, work on bringing your best self into the relationship. Regardless of what happens, you are only one thought away from peace.

9. Demoralizing him and crushing his spirit: 

If asked, most men believe their wives to be more moral and spiritual than themselves. Often, the wife agrees. She does not see herself as sinful or wrong. She feels her greatest “sins” lie in being deeply disappointed by her husband’s failures and her children’s shortcomings. Beyond this, wives typically admit to bad behavior and attitudes, but attribute it to hormones, chemical imbalances and a dysfunctional childhood. Woe to the husband who dares suggest his lovely bride could use improvement in some aspect of her life. Labeled a heartless, uncaring, unrighteous lout, he is silenced by an angered, wounded wife, cloaked in self-righteous indignation. She then feels perfectly justified in attacking every flaw, magnifying every misstep and pointing out every failure, until he feels ashamed for living. You are not your husbands Holy Spirit. Stop trying to correct every little flaw you perceive in his character and set about removing the blinding plank from your own eye.

10. Picking the wrong man. 

 You meet a man. You like him. You start dating. Then you begin to notice the tiny flaws. The chinks in his armor. He yells, just like your dad did. He drinks and becomes abusive. “It’s o.k., ” you tell yourself, “I’ll fix him after we get married.” Stop right there. There is no fixing it. The man you date will be the same man after you are married. 

You cannot change the basic nature of other people. You cannot love them into changing. You cannot nag or pout or complain them into changing. If the relationship feels unhealthy during dating, getting married will not fix it. He will not magically become more responsible, more reliable, or more loving after you marry him. So if you want a good husband, find a good man, date him, and marry him.

While this list may seem daunting, it is important to remember that the main goal of marriage should be peace and happiness. If life is stressful, work on changing your perception. You can see peace instead of stress. You are only one thought away from a peaceful life. If you feel unhappy, seek those thing that will fulfill you in life. Just be happy. The simplest route to something is to just be. The only person you can change is yourself.

Source: http://justsayingbylase.blogspot.com/2011/11/top-10-things-women-do-to-destroy-their.html

Advice to the wise...

So, I was going through my day routinely when I suddenly decided to check the inbox, dear praying unmarried woman, and was pleasantly surprised to see this letter written for you. I know without a doubt that you will be blessed by these advices as it was thoughtfully written for your benefit.

"Marriage is a relationship in which two people have pledged themselves to each other in the manner of a husband and wife, NOT A WOMAN TO A WOMAN OR A MAN TO A MAN.

Many people happily enter into marriage with the hope that it will last a lifetime. Unfortunately, some couples are so preoccupied with the immediate benefits of marriage that they fail to thoroughly weigh the realisms involved in a lifetime commitment. 

Based on my premarital experience, I suggest the following on how to prepare for a successful and God glorifying marriage.

Seek God`s Approval: Ask God for insight and listen for God`s answer, be obedient to God`s instruction because lifetime decisions without God`s direction can lead to disastrous results.

Assess the relationship: Consider your motives in marrying: Are they right ones have you developed a real friendship, and do you communicate with one another or is most of your time spent getting physical.

Discuss major Issues: Personal expectations, finances, and in-laws are three universal issues that can cause serious problems if not addressed beforehand. Observe the actions and reactions of your spouse to be when these issues are discussed. This will give you some idea of what to expect after the wedding.

Seek premarital counseling early: Part of the traditional wedding service states that ``holy matrimony, which is an honorable estate, instituted of God is not to be entered into lightly or unadvisedly.”  You and your fiancé or fiancée should get a godly counseling, both jointly and individually.

If in doubt, Don`t- If you are having second thoughts, postpone the wedding, talk openly and honestly about your feelings with your spiritual adviser or counselor. Taking time to be sure is far better than spending a lifetime being sorry, miserable, and angry with your spouse or yourself, do not allow yourself to be pressured into marriage by people or circumstances.

Know what God requires of you: God expects you to honor your vows and will hold you accountable to them. Realize that the commitment is for as long as you both shall live, not until the better gets worse, the health becomes sickness, or the money gets scarce. God`s plans is for lifetime commitment.

There are no fifty-fifty percentages in marriage: Both persons must determine to give one hundred percent regardless of the return. Making a lifetime commitment means that you cannot just conveniently change your mind if communication goes bad, your needs go unmet, your mate gains weight, or your feelings change- not if you want to maintain a right relationship with God.  At those times when the glow of romance dims, trust God to provide you with sufficient grace, wisdom and guidance to see you through.

Take time to prepare honestly and prayerfully for a lifetime commitment. It can mean the difference between glorious and successful and failure in marriage.

God bless you."