The Kind of Guy NEVER to Marry!

Dear Praying Unmarried Woman,
Its been a while since I've written for the blog but here I am again trying to cook up a little something that would be keep you on your toes ( Well I Hope..)


You have read it so many times on this blog and must have heard it somewhere else as well that the type of guy a man is when you are dating-is the same type of guy he would be when you are married. Don't get me wrong , I highly doubt that YOU can change a man, but I know that the Holy Spirit is the one who convicts and leads to change !! So having said that let's move to the main course of the meal....  The Types of Guys to stay clear from.


Warning: To those that are already involved with such men,perhaps we would talk more in details about how to deal with them in future posts ! 

1. Mr. Insecure/Controller

A man who is insecure about himself and the relationship might soon become Mr. Control. Unfortunately, despite how attractive some women find a jealous man, this cannot always be healthy. Every one in a relationship ought to have the liberty and space to grow as an individual. God created each and everyone as individuals and not as copies of our spouses. The individuality  and difference should not be the root of issues, but it should enable us to support one another and help us achieve our God-purposed destiny. Wanting to control the whereabouts of your spouse, the friends they keep, can sometimes be a reflection of  your insecurity.

2. Mr. Mama's Boy

The Bible clearly states that when a man is ready to marry they must "leave to cleave". This simply put means that the man should develop a mature and healthy detachment from his parental home. Always running to your mother for advice is okay at a certain point in life, but as a grown man with responsibility your strength should be dependent on your relationship with God and your lawfully wedded spouse. Having a husband who values his mother's opinion far more than your own can cause a strain on your relationship and might raise unnecessary issues. A mama's boy as the term connotes is a man who finds it difficult to make an important life decision without the consultation of their mother or their mother's approval of their choices. Think about it , Do you really want a Mama's boy? Or a relationship where you are constantly battling your mother in-law, for your own husband's attention?

3. Mr  Kent B. Faithful ( Mr Unfaithful)

If you know that a man has a track record for being unfaithful,perhaps getting involved with him and crossing your fingers that he will change is not your wisest bet. Coping with a spouse that is unfaithful can cause much stress and can bring with it low self esteem.  Before long you find yourself snooping around his computer, checking his phone and stalking his facebook page and all the females who have commented or liked his pictures. Is it not better to spare yourself of that grief. The effect of infidelity can be devastating to families, to the friendship that once existed between the couple, and the heart break involved.  Hebrew 13: 4 advises us to 

"Let marriage be honored among all and the marriage bed be kept undefiled, for God will judge the immoral and adulterers". 

4. Mr.Lay Z. (Mr Lazy)
From the foundation of the earth, the Lord declared that we should work in order to be fruitful. Having said that it also indicates that the man is to be the head of the home and this involves providing for his household. A man who hates to work and is satisfied with sleeping, might not be the best pick either. A 'free loader' as society calls them is someone who takes advantage of someone else without giving anything in return. Having such a man on your hands is such a hand full, because you will find yourself doing all the work and catering for the most  if not all of the need of your man. This can also cause frustration in a relationship and a desire to quit. 
I must put a clause in this paragraph as well, because on the flip side of the coin, a man who is always involved with his work and cannot cater for the emotional needs of his wife and family--should be careful. Woman tend to be emotionally wired and long for a conversation and their spouse's presence more than being 'bought' with jewelry.
Take time and meditate on this proverb (Prv 6:10-12)
A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest, and poverty will come upon you like a robber, and want like an armed man.

5. Mr. " I will be with you but I'll never commit"

This type of man, is very difficult to be with. The type who has the track record of dating numerous women and doesn't seem to have commitment in the horizon,is tough to deal with.  Women tend to bring their hopes up and dating such men for years without it amounting to much is painful.. Dating someone for years without any intention to marry them, without their knowledge is unfair.  What is the point of being in a relationship with someone who doesn't want the same things as you do- or does not want to be with you? There tons of reason why men refuse to commit. He might not be ready,they simply don't want to,they feel the dating dynamics suits him better than a committed relationship, they want to be financially stable and have their careers in place, etc ( the list continues as every man is different).. Some man want to enjoy the benefits of a relationship without taking the responsibility. The statement " It is better to have a courtship that is broken than a marriage" applies here . 
I have heard many testimonies of young women who have dated men for many years (3+years)  during their  prime youthful years just to tell them " you are not the one", after several years of keeping her hopes up. I wonder if those men did not know she was not the one after a year of dating, perhaps 2 years but to wait for  numerous years  before calling it off is inconsiderate. If you are one those women who have been hurt by such men, simply trust in the Lord, stand firm in your prayer -at times God uses the mechanism of time to heal.

Psalm 37:5-7
New International Version (NIV)

⁵ Commit your way to the Lord;
    trust in him and he will do this:
⁶ He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,
    your vindication like the noonday sun.

⁷ Be still before the Lord
    and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when people succeed in their ways,
    when they carry out their wicked schemes.

PS: If you know more types of  men to add to the list feel to add in the comments below. It'll be interesting to know what other women think

10 Things Woman do to Destroy their Marriage!

NOW! To balance the scale I must post about the things women do to destroy their marriages since a couple months ago I posted what Men Did..
 So Women its your turn, here it goes.

While both husband and wife should take responsibility for their part in a marriage, below are ten mistakes common to women, which can completely destroy a marriage.

1. Using words to hurt, maim and destroy your marriage: Although men are stronger, women have the advantage when it comes to verbal strength. Women are adept at brandishing the sharpest words in order to shame, demean and belittle their man. Words are like toothpaste. Once they are out, there is no getting them back in. Regardless of how sorry you are afterward, the damage has been done.

2. Having unrealistic expectations: 

Seeking fulfillment from one person, and projecting your unhappiness onto him when he doesn’t measure up will quickly destroy your marriage. If you feel unhappy, first examine reality. You will be happier if you shape your expectations to fit the reality of your situation. Expecting your spouse or children to make you happy is unrealistic. Make yourself happy.

3. Using sarcastic and critical statements, gestures, and facial expressions. This is a quick and easy way to show your husband that you don’t respect him or his opinion. Men can become overwhelmed by the barrage of criticism coming at them. The result is they shut down, withdraw, and seek kindness and approval elsewhere.

4. Criticize him, make fun of him and belittle him to your friends and family: Not only will this diminish your husband in your eyes, it will poison those closest to you. You force them to take sides, and of course they choose your side, because they want to be loyal to you. They will not look at your husband  in the same manner. Once you are over your tirade, they will still be mad at him. Your close friendships and relationships will remain irreparably altered against your husband, in time, this can destroy your marriage.

5. Withhold affection and sex: Men are wired differently than women. They need physical release through sexual intimacy. When you refuse to meet that need, you are making a much deeper statement; you do not care about or respect his needs. As much as you need emotional release and closeness, he is wired to need physical release and closeness. Neither is wrong. You are just different. While you want your emotional needs met, it is important not to lose sight of his needs. Think of it this way; what if he stopped talking to you for three days? How about a week? What if he didn’t talk to you for a month? Unconscionable. Likewise, it is unfair for you to cut him off from what he needs.

6. Disrespecting his insight, opinions and advice: Men are fixers. By nature, if you present a problem, he will come up with concrete steps to solve the problem. When you are dismissive, it sends the message that you do not value him. If you just want to  complain, call a girlfriend. Girlfriends are great listeners. They will not try to fix you. 

However, if you MUST whine at your husband, tell him UPFRONT  that you don’t need a solution, just an ear to hear. Sometimes, you might actually follow his advice. It could just work!

7. Undermining his authority, but demanding he take full responsibility:

 Be gracious in light of his decision making. You can respectfully disagree with a decision without attacking his ability to lead.

8. Never being happy: One of the quickest ways to destroy your marriage is to spend all your time acting miserable and unhappy. The goal of marriage should be peace and happiness.There is no need to express every angry, bitter or resentful thought. By owning your own problems, you can take responsibility for your own happiness. Each day, work on bringing your best self into the relationship. Regardless of what happens, you are only one thought away from peace.

9. Demoralizing him and crushing his spirit: 

If asked, most men believe their wives to be more moral and spiritual than themselves. Often, the wife agrees. She does not see herself as sinful or wrong. She feels her greatest “sins” lie in being deeply disappointed by her husband’s failures and her children’s shortcomings. Beyond this, wives typically admit to bad behavior and attitudes, but attribute it to hormones, chemical imbalances and a dysfunctional childhood. Woe to the husband who dares suggest his lovely bride could use improvement in some aspect of her life. Labeled a heartless, uncaring, unrighteous lout, he is silenced by an angered, wounded wife, cloaked in self-righteous indignation. She then feels perfectly justified in attacking every flaw, magnifying every misstep and pointing out every failure, until he feels ashamed for living. You are not your husbands Holy Spirit. Stop trying to correct every little flaw you perceive in his character and set about removing the blinding plank from your own eye.

10. Picking the wrong man. 

 You meet a man. You like him. You start dating. Then you begin to notice the tiny flaws. The chinks in his armor. He yells, just like your dad did. He drinks and becomes abusive. “It’s o.k., ” you tell yourself, “I’ll fix him after we get married.” Stop right there. There is no fixing it. The man you date will be the same man after you are married. 

You cannot change the basic nature of other people. You cannot love them into changing. You cannot nag or pout or complain them into changing. If the relationship feels unhealthy during dating, getting married will not fix it. He will not magically become more responsible, more reliable, or more loving after you marry him. So if you want a good husband, find a good man, date him, and marry him.

While this list may seem daunting, it is important to remember that the main goal of marriage should be peace and happiness. If life is stressful, work on changing your perception. You can see peace instead of stress. You are only one thought away from a peaceful life. If you feel unhappy, seek those thing that will fulfill you in life. Just be happy. The simplest route to something is to just be. The only person you can change is yourself.

Source: http://justsayingbylase.blogspot.com/2011/11/top-10-things-women-do-to-destroy-their.html

10 Things Men Do to Destroy their Marriages!

I know this blog is for us women but I do know that there are some of those praying unmarried  MEN who casually stroll in to come and check on what  we ladies are discussing.  So guess what this one is for you! Yes, you mister :)  And of course, to the praying unmarried woman, there is no knowledge that would  not benefit you.

So this post was sent to me by a friend who thought I should share it with you. So without wasting your time, enjoy! 

While both husband and wife should take responsibility for their part in a marriage, below are ten mistakes common to men, which can completely destroy a marriage.

1. Leaving her alone in the marriage: 

One of the quickest ways to destroy your marriage is to leave your wife alone. Spend long hours at work, followed by a beer afterward with the guys. When you get home, don’t engage her or your children. Lose yourself in baseball or computer poker. On the weekends, complain about the messy house, then leave to run errands. Don’t come back for several hours. The most miserable thing for a wife is when you isolate her by emotionally leaving the relationship. Yes, she has friends, and a job. Yes, she spends a lot of time running the kids around. It’s not the same. Her desire is to spend time with You!

2. Not getting too close

 You wife feels energized when she feels close to you. Refusing to let her know you is destructive to your marriage. While you strive to keep your independence, she longs to connect with you. It is not fair to either of you if you are only affectionate and attentive on the days you want sex. Affection and closeness ought to be an end in themselves, not a means to a different end. Talking is not the only way women feel close, although it is an important one. Simple ways to fulfill your wife in this area are to hug her often. Hold her hand. Spend some time alone with her. When her need for closeness is met, she will be more inclined to respect your need for independence.

2 1/2. Closing yourself off to her

 Your wife is not trying to pry or sneak her way into no-mans land. She simply wants you to be open. She wants to “see” you. She feels loved when you share your fears, worries and troubles. She won’t try to fix you. She will listen.(well hopefully!)

3. Always trying to fix her

 When she comes to you to off load the weight of her world, it is a compliment. She knows you can handle it. Rather than try to resolve and repair every issue, try to just listen to her. You might even ask if she needs a solution or just an ear. It will be a relief for both of you when you realize that sometimes you don’t have to fix all the problems. And when you listen, she will feel like you understand her (even if you don’t!).

4. Never say, “I’m sorry.”

 All marriages have conflict. The refusal to apologize is a quick way to destroy yours. While conflict is not a pleasant thing, growth and closeness can increase as conflict is resolved. For your wife, an apology means she has moved forward, through the conflict and is now seeking peace. Many husbands see apologizing as a sure sign of weakness. They think, “If I apologize, she won’t respect me.” On the contrary, if you humbly apologize and ask her forgiveness, your wife will be putty in your hands. Your small act of contrition soothes her spirit, a healing balm over her heart.

5. Taking her insecurity too lightly


 When your wife feels insecure, she may ask if you still think she is pretty. She may ask if you love her. She may ask if you think someone else is more attractive. This is not a trap. She feels she is moving toward you, by asking a question and starting a conversation. Talking is how women feel close. She is seeking your assurance of love and loyalty. Rather than make light of the moment, look at her. No, really look at her. Tell her she is the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. Give her the assurance she seeks, and ease her troubled mind.

6. Ignoring the importance of simple gestures


Your wife does not require fancy jewelry or expensive meals. Granted, those things are nice, and you like to treat your wife. It isn’t always necessary. She feels loved by the small tokens of your love and appreciation. When you neglect the small things, it may feel to her like you are trying to buy her affection, or ease your own guilt, with the big things. Let your wife know that she is on your mind during the day. A single rose when you walk in the door speaks volumes to her language of love. For her, the most important days of the year are her birthday and the day she married you. Celebrate these days by spending time with just her. It will mean more than any expensive gift ever could. The cost of the gift is secondary to the thought you put into it.

A divorce is like an amputation: you survive it, but there's less of you.
Margaret Atwood

7. Taking all the fun out of sex


When you confuse sex with intimacy, it’s no fun. When you are married, your wife needs thoughtful consideration. Start in the morning with a kiss. Tell her she’s beautiful. Women never get tired of hearing that from the man they love. Help get the kids ready for school. After work, ask about her day. Slow. Slow. Slow. If you want to bring the fun back into sex, think thoughtfulness. 

8. Getting lost in bitterness and anger


When you shut your wife out, to brood in your despair, it fills her with fear. Women like to talk things out. Men like to shut things out. When you feel stressed about work, about money, about your relationship, you turn inward. This provokes your wife’s fear of abandonment and rejection. She thinks you don’t love her when you refuse to speak. This fear, and her desire to resolve conflict, cause your wife to pursue you. She wants to talk it out, not to belittle or demean you, but to feel closer. She wants you to trust her, so she can trust you.

9. Not taking responsibility


Whether it’s an addiction, an affair or poor performance in your life, many times, husbands point to their wives as the reason for their weakness. “She makes me drink because of her nagging. I cheated because she wouldn’t take care of me. I’m doing poorly because she never encourages me.” It’s time to take full responsibility for your own behavior. You choose to drink. You choose to cheat. You choose to work or not work. Rather than blame someone or something else, stand up, take control and make your life reflect the values you desire. Your life is completely under your control. Today, you can choose differently.

10. Picking the wrong woman. Again. And again. 


A woman in distress, moving from crisis to crisis, will continue to be  a distress after you marry her. A nitpicking woman who criticizes your every decision will continue to nitpick. A control freak always wants control, even after the wedding. If you want a nice wife, then date a nice woman and marry her. Treat her with love and respect and she will return the kindness. Trying to rescue a woman in distress will only lead you to feel used and unappreciated. A strong marriage begins with a goodwilled woman and a goodwilled man. It flourishes as you both grow in love and respect toward each other.

While this list may seem daunting, it is important to remember that the main goal of marriage should be peace and happiness. If life is stressful, work on changing your perception. You can see peace instead of stress. You are only one thought away from a peaceful life. If you feel unhappy, seek those thing that will fulfill you in life. Just be happy. The simplest route to something is to just be. The only person you can change is yourself.

Source: http://justsayingbylase.blogspot.com/2011/11/top-10-things-men-do-to-destroy-their.html