"Why won't you Hear, When I'm talking to you!!!"

The most popular myth about communication in relationships is that since you talk to your significant other, you’re automatically communicating. While talking to your significant other is indeed a form of communication, if it’s primarily about everyday, “surfacey” topics (“How were the kids?” “How was work?” “How’s your mother?”), you’re not really communicating about the important stuff. This article is primarily about how to talk in a more open and rewarding manner with your significant other.

 Sometimes it does get tiring talking and not being heard or UNDERSTOOD, well ..

Here are 9 STEPS to better communicate : 

1. Stop and listen.

How many times have you heard someone say this or read this in an article about communication skills? How hard is it to actually do when you’re “in the moment?” Harder than it sounds. When we’re knee deep within a serious discussion or argument with our significant other, it’s hard to put aside our point for the moment and just listen. We’re often so afraid of not being heard, we rush to keep talking. Ironically, such behavior makes it all the more likely we won’t be heard.

2. Force yourself to hear. 

You’ve stopped talking for the moment, but your head is still swirling with all of the things you want to say, so you’re still not really hearing what is being said. Laugh all you want, but therapists have a technique that works very well that “forces” them to really hear what a client tells them — rephrasing what a person has just said to them (called “reflection”).

This may upset a mate if you do it too much, or do it in a tone that suggests you’re mocking rather than trying to seriously listen. So use the technique sparingly, and let your mate know why you’re doing it if they ask — “Sometimes I don’t think I’m getting what you’re telling me, and doing this lets me slow my mind down a bit and really try and hear what you’re saying.”

3. Be open and honest with your mate. 

Some people have never been very open to others in their life. Heck, some people might not even know themselves, or know much about their own real needs and desires. 

Little lies turn into big lies. Hiding your emotions behind a cloak of invincibility might work for you, but won’t work for most others. Pretending everything is alright isn’t alright. And giving your partner the silent treatment is about as useful as a fish with a bike . In the desert. At night. These things may have “worked” for you in the past, but they are all barriers to good communication.

Being open means talking about things you may have never talked about with another human being before in your life. It means being vulnerable and honest with your partner, completely and unabashedly. It means opening yourself up to possible hurt and disappointment. But it also means opening yourself up to the full potential of all it can be.

4. Pay attention to nonverbal signals. 

Most of our communication with one another isn’t what we say, but how we say it. Nonverbal communication is your body language, the tone of your voice, its inflection, eye contact, and how far away you are when you talk to someone else. Learning to communicate better means that you need to learn how to read these signals as well as hear what the other person is saying. Knowing your partner’s nonverbal signals takes time and patience, but the more you do it, the more attuned you will be to what they’re really saying, such as:

* Folded arms in front of a person may mean they’re feeling defensive or closed off.

* Lack of eye contact may mean they’re not really interested in what you’re saying, are ashamed of something, or find it difficult to talk about something.

* Louder, more aggressive tone may mean the person is escalating the discussion and is becoming very emotionally involved. It might also suggest they feel like they’re not being heard or understood.

* Someone who’s turned away from you when talking to you may mean disinterest or being closed off.

All the while you’re reading your partner’s nonverbal signals, be aware of your own. Make and maintain eye contact, keep a neutral body stance and tone to your voice, and sit next to the person when you’re talking to them.

5. Stay focused in the here and now.

Sometimes discussions turn into arguments, that can then morph into a discussion about everything and the kitchen sink. To be respectful of one another and the relationship, you should try and keep the discussion (or argument) focused to the topic at hand. While it’s easy to get in the cheap shots or bring up everything that an argument seems to call for, just don’t. If the argument is ostensibly about who’s making dinner tonight, keep it that topic. Don’t veer off down the country road of who does what in the house, who’s responsible for child rearing, and by the way, who cleans the kitchen sink.

Arguments that do veer off tend to escalate and grow larger and larger. One party needs to make an effort at that point to try and de-escalate the argument, even if it means walking away from it, literally. But do so as respectfully as possible, saying something like, “Look, I can see this isn’t going to get any better by discussing it tonight. Let’s sleep on it and try talking about it with fresh eyes in the morning, okay?”

6. Try to minimize emotion when talking about important, big decisions. 

Nobody can talk about important, big matters if they feel emotionally vulnerable or charged-up and angry. Those are not the times to talk about the serious issues (like money, getting married, the kids, or retirement). You might think it impossible, nonsensical or even contradictory to talk about an emotional topic like getting married or having children without emotion. And yet, these discussions need to keep a foothold of rationality to them in order to not gloss over the realities that they bring. Marriage, for instance, brings the combining of households and living with another person day-to-day. Having kids isn’t just about cute toddler clothes and painting the nursery, but talking about who’s going to change diapers, feed the newborn, and be available at all hours of the day and night for months on end.

7. Be ready to cede an argument. 

How many times do we continue to argue or have a heated discussion because we simply want to be “right.” I’ve talked about this sense of needing to “win” arguments more than once. Why? Because so many of couples’ arguments revolve around one party thinking they’re “right” and the other party not willing to cede the point or back off. In fact, though, both parties need to back off.

By doing this, are you giving up a piece of yourself by compromising and not insisting on how right you are? Well, that’s something only you can decide. Would you rather be in a happy relationship where you respect the other person, even if you may occasionally disagree with them? Or would you rather be in an unhappy relationship where you know you’re always right, no matter what? It just comes down to your priorities — if being “right” is more important to you than your partner’s happiness, then perhaps you have not found the right partner.

8. Humor and playfulness usually help. 

You don’t have to be funny in order to use humor and playfulness in everyday conversations. You just need to use the sense of humor you do have and try and inject it into more of your communications with your partner. Humor helps lighten everyday frustrations and helps puts things into perspective more gently than other methods. Playfulness reminds us that even as adults, we all have a side to us that enjoys fun and taking a break from the seriousness of work and other demands made on us.

9. Communicating is more than just talking. 

To communicate better and more effectively in your relationship, you don’t only have to talk. You can communicate in other ways — through your actions, and nowadays, electronically too (through email, Facebook, blogs, texting or Twitter). All too often, couples focus only on the talking aspect of their relationship, but your actions also speak loudly. Keeping in touch throughout the day or week through email or other electronic means also reminds the person you’re thinking about them and how important they are in your life. Even if such communications are mainly playful or inconsequential, they can help lighten your partner’s day and improve their mood.

Some couples also find that using email or another method is easier to discuss emotional issues rather than trying to do so face-to-face. It’s something to consider if every time you try and bring up a particular topic with your significant other, it turns into an argument or they shy away from it. Email or texting may be a way of communicating about such matters more openly and directly.

---

By: John Grohol
http://features.beliefnet.com/beyondblue/2011/08/9-steps-to-better-communicatio.html

Christ- Centered Relationships

Part One

Part Two

Note to Self: ... Pray for Your Future husband

"Every earthly story of romance is borrowed from the eternal love story between God and His children."

Video: The Importance of Prayer After 55 Years of Marriage

 

Some time last year, I had borrowed a book from a friend and that book was life changing. Perhaps it gave me the encouragement and the push I needed to begin this blog in October of last year. Praying for your Future Husband is written by both Tricia Goyer and Robin Jones Gunn. 

"God hears. He sees. He knows us. He cares more than we can ever comprehend. And most important of all, God answers prayer.

...

Perhaps you’ve noticed that the way God answers prayers often isn’t what we expect. We look back years later and see that what God did was oh so much better than what we first envisioned when we sent our heartfelt requests heavenward.  He created us, and He desires the best for us. God always gives His best to those who leave the outcomes with Him.

Another, even more amazing mystery is that, when we pray for someone else, we change. All of us were made to be loved, to give and to receive love. When your heart connects through prayer to the One who is the source of true love, you’ll find that praying for your future husband will wondrously result in your heart being changed. And when your heart is changed, your life is transformed."

                                                                                                     _Robin Jones Gunn

Here are a couple Key Points You can start praying about : 

1.  Pray that your marriage will glorify God and be an example of God’s intention for marriage (1Corinthians 10:31)
2.      Pray that God will give you wisdom and compassion in dealing with your in-laws (Matthew 5:7)
3.        For God to bless and strengthen your marriage in the midst of the pressure and problems of your lives (2 Corinthians 12:9)
4.         For God to protect your marriage from the attacks of Satan. Deliver you from his evil, destructive plans (1 Peter 5:8)
5.    Plead  that his power would sustain and give stability to your marriage (Jeremiah 32:17)
6. Pray that you would be kind and tenderhearted to one another, forgiving one another even as God for Christ's sake has forgiven us (Ephesians 4:32)

A few more to consider...

1.            Plead that God would give you a heart to seek after Him and serve Him all the days of your lives (Psalm 63:1)
2.            Ask that He would deliver you from pettiness and unforgiveness in your relationship (Matthew 18:20-21)  
3. Ask that you would love and obey His Word, building your lives, marriage, and family on its truth (Psalm 119:97)     
4.       Pray that you will be kind and gentle to each other through the ups and downs of your life together (1 Corinthians 13:4)
5. Pray that you will always seek what is best for your relationship (1 Corinthians 13:5)

http://www.prayerclosetministries.org/assets/PDF/Scripture%20Prayers%20for%20Your%20Marriage.pdf

Are We Suitable?

Marriage is definitely a good thing because it is ordained by God (Genesis 2: 18 - 24) from the beginning. After creating everything and Adam, God took a look at him and observed that 'it was not good for the man to be alone...and decided to make a helper (a wife) suitable for Adam. 


The point therefore is for men and women who are considering marriage to seek God's face to find out if their potential partner is 'suitable' for them. Just like our faces and names are different, so is every individual's definition of suitable. Thus, here are some suggestions for a christian:

1) Take the idea and your plans for marriage to the Lord in prayer; 


2) Then observe (during courtship) to see if the potential life partner has the fear of God in them. Here, one will really need to depend on the Holy Spirit to help them discern the true character of the person. This is because we human beings are good at hiding our true characters especially when we feel we desperately want a relationship with someone. This is really important because one needs to ascertain that the person shares ones faith in our Lord Jesus Christ even if the two people are at different levels in their relationship with God. Other issues that may matter to some (not all) people are race, family background or age differences


3) Be honest and real in your daily dealings and contact with the person;


4) Test your ability to communicate with the person, and his/her ability to communicate with you


5) See if you are at peace or comfortable with the person even when they annoy you. This is when to see if there is love, because love covers all things


6) Is the person kind, does he/she respect or care about your feelings. Would he/she protect or disgrace you in public even when they feel your behaviour is embarrassing and you do not think it is

7) Do not be in a hurry, just take one day at a time, trusting that you will know when the time is right to propose (for the man) and to say yes (for the woman). 


8) Ask close friends and family members to pray for you


9)Discuss real issues like finances, housing and how you will keep a home as a couple, children etc...


10)Establish a habit of praying and studying the word together. Study what the Bible says about families particularly husbands and wives e.g Ephesians 5: 22 - 33; 6: 1 - 9 and many more... and then


11) Pray trusting that you will hear God right, see Him clearly, and have the courage to obey Him, when you have been able to ascertain that the person is 'suitable' or 'not suitable' for you. 


May God help us all in Jesus name...!

10 Signs That You are Not Ready for Marriage !

Below is a YouTube video that I stumbled upon and to my surprise it was quite interesting. It is worth your time. She talks about ways to know when  you simply are not yet ready to be a wife/husband.

• Here are five glaring signs  that you are not ready for marriage.To know about the other 5 signs, click on the Video.

1) You don't have a Heart of a servant.

2) If the word 'Obey' and 'Submit' appears to be offensive to you.

3) You do not like to pray/ lack a prayer life.

4) Your reason to get married is because you are burning with desires. 

5) You are suspicious and jealous prior to the marriage.

"The Good Wife" by Callie

No, this article is not about the T.V show the 'Good Wife' but  about being one (... at least giving it a try or a thought). It is written by Callie in an article that she titled " Me, a Cheerleader?" 

So today I was recalling something I once heard in regards to a wife and her role in a marriage. I once heard someone say that when we wore our beautiful white wedding gowns that really we were wearing a fancy cheerleading uniform. At first this idea seemed silly to me, but after thinking about it I realized that is exactly what we were wearing. 

Our husbands desire respect and approval from us so desperately and we need to be behind them cheering them on and letting them know we think they are awesome. Imagine what it would do to our husbands self esteem if we were to become an encourager, a motivator, and a cheerleader on a daily basis.

Imagine what it would do to our husbands if we were the opposite. If we were naggers, and complainers. Scripture tells us in Proverbs 27:15 that "A nagging spouse is like the drip, drip, drip of a leaky faucet", I don't know about you but I hate the sound of a leaky faucet. The problem with not being a cheerleader and encourager for our husbands is that they need praise and they crave knowing they are great at who they are. Many men become workaholics and a prime reason for this is because they get praise and recognition from their bosses or fellow peers at work.

Ladies, hear my heart, the last thing we want is for our husbands to be looking for this type of attention from anyone but us. We need to become cheerleaders for our husbands, if not for the sake of our marriage then because God commands us to do so. We are commanded by God as Christians to "Encourage each other daily" (Heb. 3:13), this alone is reason enough to put on our cheer gear.
I confess that throughout the course of my marriage I have not been wearing my cheerleading skirt or waving my pom poms around as often as I should have.

[…]
When we show appreciation to our husbands for something, a light goes off for them. They associate doing something helpful with positive feedback. Men like feeling like they did something right, by our offering approval and thanks they tend to want to continue getting that from you so they will most likely help again.

When we give our husbands a happy home to come home to, it often sets the tone for the evening not to mention it keeps them coming straight home. This affection and eagerness to see him also makes him feel like he is the "king" of his castle.

Excerpt taken from christianwife101.blogspot.com 

'A Parent's, "NO!" '...

Signs are everywhere.This is a very bold way to start a post but I desperately needed to get your attention. You absolutely cannot afford to make a mistake on what is considered to be a lifetime commitment, ESPECIALLY if the signs are everywhere. Amongst many signs, sometimes it may come from your own parents’ disapproval. 

Although you will be the one making the choice on whom to marry, you don’t want to do it without parental approval. Regardless of your parents’ cultural background or their level of education, it is important that you respect them and their opinions, well that is unless obeying them conflicts with the Word of God. If you truly believe that he is the man for you with the conviction from the Holy Spirit, dear unmarried woman, I advise that you pray about it. 

Talk to your parents about it and believe that God who revealed his will to you, would give them a change of heart. In Pastor Bimbo Odukoya’s book- ’How to choose a life partner’, she writes that “it is important that you marry with you’re your parents approval. Though you may be old enough to make mature and responsible decisions, always try to involve them. Apart from all other considerations, they have been around longer than you and therefore have experience that provides examples to either emulate or avoid.  Secondly, their emotions are not blinding them to character flaws and hidden motives ,as may be the case with you at this time […] I have discovered  that 70% of marriages that fail, did not have parental approval.”

You may ask yourself, “What if they are wrong and that costs me the love of my life?” Well, here is a young lady’s story that I came across who assumed she was on the right path to happiness but couldn’t have been more wrong …

Lindsay was a young lady, still in her mid-twenties who had just met Paul and desperately fell in love with him. She was used to a standard of living before Paul came into the picture. She could be described as a girl “who had it going on for herself.” She had men of all walks of life show interest in her beauty and charm and she often commanded attention in a room. When Paul proposed to Lindsay, she was ecstatic about her fiancé and hurriedly informed her parents. Unfortunately for her, her parents did not share her enthusiasm. How can her own Mom not see what she saw in Paul?

If only she had seen what her mother had seen in Paul, she would not have gone ahead with the marriage.

Soon after the wedding the tune of the music changed between Paul and Lindsay. He no longer was interested in her sexually and could barely look at her. The priceless jewel that she had been in his eyes slowly had become nothing but a pebble.At this point she had lost her self esteem, and would soon find herself running around seeking for godly council.  Paul started having affairs here and there and now Lindsay is toiling in regrets and series of “had I known”. Pregnant and with an unborn child she was already in the midst of a crumbling marriage.


Ephesians 6:1-3

Paul’s Advice to Children and Parents 
6 Children, obey your parents because you are Christians.^[a]This is the right thing to do. ² “Honor your father and mother³ that everything may go well for you, and you may have a long life on earth.” This is an important commandment with a promise.


**Story based on a true story but certain names, characters are changed to maintain the integrity of persons**

The Kind of Guy NEVER to Marry!

Dear Praying Unmarried Woman,
Its been a while since I've written for the blog but here I am again trying to cook up a little something that would be keep you on your toes ( Well I Hope..)


You have read it so many times on this blog and must have heard it somewhere else as well that the type of guy a man is when you are dating-is the same type of guy he would be when you are married. Don't get me wrong , I highly doubt that YOU can change a man, but I know that the Holy Spirit is the one who convicts and leads to change !! So having said that let's move to the main course of the meal....  The Types of Guys to stay clear from.


Warning: To those that are already involved with such men,perhaps we would talk more in details about how to deal with them in future posts ! 

1. Mr. Insecure/Controller

A man who is insecure about himself and the relationship might soon become Mr. Control. Unfortunately, despite how attractive some women find a jealous man, this cannot always be healthy. Every one in a relationship ought to have the liberty and space to grow as an individual. God created each and everyone as individuals and not as copies of our spouses. The individuality  and difference should not be the root of issues, but it should enable us to support one another and help us achieve our God-purposed destiny. Wanting to control the whereabouts of your spouse, the friends they keep, can sometimes be a reflection of  your insecurity.

2. Mr. Mama's Boy

The Bible clearly states that when a man is ready to marry they must "leave to cleave". This simply put means that the man should develop a mature and healthy detachment from his parental home. Always running to your mother for advice is okay at a certain point in life, but as a grown man with responsibility your strength should be dependent on your relationship with God and your lawfully wedded spouse. Having a husband who values his mother's opinion far more than your own can cause a strain on your relationship and might raise unnecessary issues. A mama's boy as the term connotes is a man who finds it difficult to make an important life decision without the consultation of their mother or their mother's approval of their choices. Think about it , Do you really want a Mama's boy? Or a relationship where you are constantly battling your mother in-law, for your own husband's attention?

3. Mr  Kent B. Faithful ( Mr Unfaithful)

If you know that a man has a track record for being unfaithful,perhaps getting involved with him and crossing your fingers that he will change is not your wisest bet. Coping with a spouse that is unfaithful can cause much stress and can bring with it low self esteem.  Before long you find yourself snooping around his computer, checking his phone and stalking his facebook page and all the females who have commented or liked his pictures. Is it not better to spare yourself of that grief. The effect of infidelity can be devastating to families, to the friendship that once existed between the couple, and the heart break involved.  Hebrew 13: 4 advises us to 

"Let marriage be honored among all and the marriage bed be kept undefiled, for God will judge the immoral and adulterers". 

4. Mr.Lay Z. (Mr Lazy)
From the foundation of the earth, the Lord declared that we should work in order to be fruitful. Having said that it also indicates that the man is to be the head of the home and this involves providing for his household. A man who hates to work and is satisfied with sleeping, might not be the best pick either. A 'free loader' as society calls them is someone who takes advantage of someone else without giving anything in return. Having such a man on your hands is such a hand full, because you will find yourself doing all the work and catering for the most  if not all of the need of your man. This can also cause frustration in a relationship and a desire to quit. 
I must put a clause in this paragraph as well, because on the flip side of the coin, a man who is always involved with his work and cannot cater for the emotional needs of his wife and family--should be careful. Woman tend to be emotionally wired and long for a conversation and their spouse's presence more than being 'bought' with jewelry.
Take time and meditate on this proverb (Prv 6:10-12)
A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest, and poverty will come upon you like a robber, and want like an armed man.

5. Mr. " I will be with you but I'll never commit"

This type of man, is very difficult to be with. The type who has the track record of dating numerous women and doesn't seem to have commitment in the horizon,is tough to deal with.  Women tend to bring their hopes up and dating such men for years without it amounting to much is painful.. Dating someone for years without any intention to marry them, without their knowledge is unfair.  What is the point of being in a relationship with someone who doesn't want the same things as you do- or does not want to be with you? There tons of reason why men refuse to commit. He might not be ready,they simply don't want to,they feel the dating dynamics suits him better than a committed relationship, they want to be financially stable and have their careers in place, etc ( the list continues as every man is different).. Some man want to enjoy the benefits of a relationship without taking the responsibility. The statement " It is better to have a courtship that is broken than a marriage" applies here . 
I have heard many testimonies of young women who have dated men for many years (3+years)  during their  prime youthful years just to tell them " you are not the one", after several years of keeping her hopes up. I wonder if those men did not know she was not the one after a year of dating, perhaps 2 years but to wait for  numerous years  before calling it off is inconsiderate. If you are one those women who have been hurt by such men, simply trust in the Lord, stand firm in your prayer -at times God uses the mechanism of time to heal.

Psalm 37:5-7
New International Version (NIV)

⁵ Commit your way to the Lord;
    trust in him and he will do this:
⁶ He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,
    your vindication like the noonday sun.

⁷ Be still before the Lord
    and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when people succeed in their ways,
    when they carry out their wicked schemes.

PS: If you know more types of  men to add to the list feel to add in the comments below. It'll be interesting to know what other women think

10 Things Woman do to Destroy their Marriage!

NOW! To balance the scale I must post about the things women do to destroy their marriages since a couple months ago I posted what Men Did..
 So Women its your turn, here it goes.

While both husband and wife should take responsibility for their part in a marriage, below are ten mistakes common to women, which can completely destroy a marriage.

1. Using words to hurt, maim and destroy your marriage: Although men are stronger, women have the advantage when it comes to verbal strength. Women are adept at brandishing the sharpest words in order to shame, demean and belittle their man. Words are like toothpaste. Once they are out, there is no getting them back in. Regardless of how sorry you are afterward, the damage has been done.

2. Having unrealistic expectations: 

Seeking fulfillment from one person, and projecting your unhappiness onto him when he doesn’t measure up will quickly destroy your marriage. If you feel unhappy, first examine reality. You will be happier if you shape your expectations to fit the reality of your situation. Expecting your spouse or children to make you happy is unrealistic. Make yourself happy.

3. Using sarcastic and critical statements, gestures, and facial expressions. This is a quick and easy way to show your husband that you don’t respect him or his opinion. Men can become overwhelmed by the barrage of criticism coming at them. The result is they shut down, withdraw, and seek kindness and approval elsewhere.

4. Criticize him, make fun of him and belittle him to your friends and family: Not only will this diminish your husband in your eyes, it will poison those closest to you. You force them to take sides, and of course they choose your side, because they want to be loyal to you. They will not look at your husband  in the same manner. Once you are over your tirade, they will still be mad at him. Your close friendships and relationships will remain irreparably altered against your husband, in time, this can destroy your marriage.

5. Withhold affection and sex: Men are wired differently than women. They need physical release through sexual intimacy. When you refuse to meet that need, you are making a much deeper statement; you do not care about or respect his needs. As much as you need emotional release and closeness, he is wired to need physical release and closeness. Neither is wrong. You are just different. While you want your emotional needs met, it is important not to lose sight of his needs. Think of it this way; what if he stopped talking to you for three days? How about a week? What if he didn’t talk to you for a month? Unconscionable. Likewise, it is unfair for you to cut him off from what he needs.

6. Disrespecting his insight, opinions and advice: Men are fixers. By nature, if you present a problem, he will come up with concrete steps to solve the problem. When you are dismissive, it sends the message that you do not value him. If you just want to  complain, call a girlfriend. Girlfriends are great listeners. They will not try to fix you. 

However, if you MUST whine at your husband, tell him UPFRONT  that you don’t need a solution, just an ear to hear. Sometimes, you might actually follow his advice. It could just work!

7. Undermining his authority, but demanding he take full responsibility:

 Be gracious in light of his decision making. You can respectfully disagree with a decision without attacking his ability to lead.

8. Never being happy: One of the quickest ways to destroy your marriage is to spend all your time acting miserable and unhappy. The goal of marriage should be peace and happiness.There is no need to express every angry, bitter or resentful thought. By owning your own problems, you can take responsibility for your own happiness. Each day, work on bringing your best self into the relationship. Regardless of what happens, you are only one thought away from peace.

9. Demoralizing him and crushing his spirit: 

If asked, most men believe their wives to be more moral and spiritual than themselves. Often, the wife agrees. She does not see herself as sinful or wrong. She feels her greatest “sins” lie in being deeply disappointed by her husband’s failures and her children’s shortcomings. Beyond this, wives typically admit to bad behavior and attitudes, but attribute it to hormones, chemical imbalances and a dysfunctional childhood. Woe to the husband who dares suggest his lovely bride could use improvement in some aspect of her life. Labeled a heartless, uncaring, unrighteous lout, he is silenced by an angered, wounded wife, cloaked in self-righteous indignation. She then feels perfectly justified in attacking every flaw, magnifying every misstep and pointing out every failure, until he feels ashamed for living. You are not your husbands Holy Spirit. Stop trying to correct every little flaw you perceive in his character and set about removing the blinding plank from your own eye.

10. Picking the wrong man. 

 You meet a man. You like him. You start dating. Then you begin to notice the tiny flaws. The chinks in his armor. He yells, just like your dad did. He drinks and becomes abusive. “It’s o.k., ” you tell yourself, “I’ll fix him after we get married.” Stop right there. There is no fixing it. The man you date will be the same man after you are married. 

You cannot change the basic nature of other people. You cannot love them into changing. You cannot nag or pout or complain them into changing. If the relationship feels unhealthy during dating, getting married will not fix it. He will not magically become more responsible, more reliable, or more loving after you marry him. So if you want a good husband, find a good man, date him, and marry him.

While this list may seem daunting, it is important to remember that the main goal of marriage should be peace and happiness. If life is stressful, work on changing your perception. You can see peace instead of stress. You are only one thought away from a peaceful life. If you feel unhappy, seek those thing that will fulfill you in life. Just be happy. The simplest route to something is to just be. The only person you can change is yourself.

Source: http://justsayingbylase.blogspot.com/2011/11/top-10-things-women-do-to-destroy-their.html

What Does the Bible Have to Say?

 And the Lord God said, it is not good that the man should be alone, I will make him an help meet for him.
--Genesis 2:18

 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
--Genesis 2:24

Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins. --Proverbs 10:12  Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord. --Proverbs 18:22  Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband; and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. --I Corinthians 7:2-4

 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice. And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.
--Ephesians 4:31, 32

 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 

--Ephesians 5:21-33

 Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.
--Hebrews 13:4