'A Parent's, "NO!" '...

Signs are everywhere.This is a very bold way to start a post but I desperately needed to get your attention. You absolutely cannot afford to make a mistake on what is considered to be a lifetime commitment, ESPECIALLY if the signs are everywhere. Amongst many signs, sometimes it may come from your own parents’ disapproval. 

Although you will be the one making the choice on whom to marry, you don’t want to do it without parental approval. Regardless of your parents’ cultural background or their level of education, it is important that you respect them and their opinions, well that is unless obeying them conflicts with the Word of God. If you truly believe that he is the man for you with the conviction from the Holy Spirit, dear unmarried woman, I advise that you pray about it. 

Talk to your parents about it and believe that God who revealed his will to you, would give them a change of heart. In Pastor Bimbo Odukoya’s book- ’How to choose a life partner’, she writes that “it is important that you marry with you’re your parents approval. Though you may be old enough to make mature and responsible decisions, always try to involve them. Apart from all other considerations, they have been around longer than you and therefore have experience that provides examples to either emulate or avoid.  Secondly, their emotions are not blinding them to character flaws and hidden motives ,as may be the case with you at this time […] I have discovered  that 70% of marriages that fail, did not have parental approval.”

You may ask yourself, “What if they are wrong and that costs me the love of my life?” Well, here is a young lady’s story that I came across who assumed she was on the right path to happiness but couldn’t have been more wrong …

Lindsay was a young lady, still in her mid-twenties who had just met Paul and desperately fell in love with him. She was used to a standard of living before Paul came into the picture. She could be described as a girl “who had it going on for herself.” She had men of all walks of life show interest in her beauty and charm and she often commanded attention in a room. When Paul proposed to Lindsay, she was ecstatic about her fiancé and hurriedly informed her parents. Unfortunately for her, her parents did not share her enthusiasm. How can her own Mom not see what she saw in Paul?

If only she had seen what her mother had seen in Paul, she would not have gone ahead with the marriage.

Soon after the wedding the tune of the music changed between Paul and Lindsay. He no longer was interested in her sexually and could barely look at her. The priceless jewel that she had been in his eyes slowly had become nothing but a pebble.At this point she had lost her self esteem, and would soon find herself running around seeking for godly council.  Paul started having affairs here and there and now Lindsay is toiling in regrets and series of “had I known”. Pregnant and with an unborn child she was already in the midst of a crumbling marriage.


Ephesians 6:1-3

Paul’s Advice to Children and Parents 
6 Children, obey your parents because you are Christians.^[a]This is the right thing to do. ² “Honor your father and mother³ that everything may go well for you, and you may have a long life on earth.” This is an important commandment with a promise.


**Story based on a true story but certain names, characters are changed to maintain the integrity of persons**

The Kind of Guy NEVER to Marry!

Dear Praying Unmarried Woman,
Its been a while since I've written for the blog but here I am again trying to cook up a little something that would be keep you on your toes ( Well I Hope..)


You have read it so many times on this blog and must have heard it somewhere else as well that the type of guy a man is when you are dating-is the same type of guy he would be when you are married. Don't get me wrong , I highly doubt that YOU can change a man, but I know that the Holy Spirit is the one who convicts and leads to change !! So having said that let's move to the main course of the meal....  The Types of Guys to stay clear from.


Warning: To those that are already involved with such men,perhaps we would talk more in details about how to deal with them in future posts ! 

1. Mr. Insecure/Controller

A man who is insecure about himself and the relationship might soon become Mr. Control. Unfortunately, despite how attractive some women find a jealous man, this cannot always be healthy. Every one in a relationship ought to have the liberty and space to grow as an individual. God created each and everyone as individuals and not as copies of our spouses. The individuality  and difference should not be the root of issues, but it should enable us to support one another and help us achieve our God-purposed destiny. Wanting to control the whereabouts of your spouse, the friends they keep, can sometimes be a reflection of  your insecurity.

2. Mr. Mama's Boy

The Bible clearly states that when a man is ready to marry they must "leave to cleave". This simply put means that the man should develop a mature and healthy detachment from his parental home. Always running to your mother for advice is okay at a certain point in life, but as a grown man with responsibility your strength should be dependent on your relationship with God and your lawfully wedded spouse. Having a husband who values his mother's opinion far more than your own can cause a strain on your relationship and might raise unnecessary issues. A mama's boy as the term connotes is a man who finds it difficult to make an important life decision without the consultation of their mother or their mother's approval of their choices. Think about it , Do you really want a Mama's boy? Or a relationship where you are constantly battling your mother in-law, for your own husband's attention?

3. Mr  Kent B. Faithful ( Mr Unfaithful)

If you know that a man has a track record for being unfaithful,perhaps getting involved with him and crossing your fingers that he will change is not your wisest bet. Coping with a spouse that is unfaithful can cause much stress and can bring with it low self esteem.  Before long you find yourself snooping around his computer, checking his phone and stalking his facebook page and all the females who have commented or liked his pictures. Is it not better to spare yourself of that grief. The effect of infidelity can be devastating to families, to the friendship that once existed between the couple, and the heart break involved.  Hebrew 13: 4 advises us to 

"Let marriage be honored among all and the marriage bed be kept undefiled, for God will judge the immoral and adulterers". 

4. Mr.Lay Z. (Mr Lazy)
From the foundation of the earth, the Lord declared that we should work in order to be fruitful. Having said that it also indicates that the man is to be the head of the home and this involves providing for his household. A man who hates to work and is satisfied with sleeping, might not be the best pick either. A 'free loader' as society calls them is someone who takes advantage of someone else without giving anything in return. Having such a man on your hands is such a hand full, because you will find yourself doing all the work and catering for the most  if not all of the need of your man. This can also cause frustration in a relationship and a desire to quit. 
I must put a clause in this paragraph as well, because on the flip side of the coin, a man who is always involved with his work and cannot cater for the emotional needs of his wife and family--should be careful. Woman tend to be emotionally wired and long for a conversation and their spouse's presence more than being 'bought' with jewelry.
Take time and meditate on this proverb (Prv 6:10-12)
A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest, and poverty will come upon you like a robber, and want like an armed man.

5. Mr. " I will be with you but I'll never commit"

This type of man, is very difficult to be with. The type who has the track record of dating numerous women and doesn't seem to have commitment in the horizon,is tough to deal with.  Women tend to bring their hopes up and dating such men for years without it amounting to much is painful.. Dating someone for years without any intention to marry them, without their knowledge is unfair.  What is the point of being in a relationship with someone who doesn't want the same things as you do- or does not want to be with you? There tons of reason why men refuse to commit. He might not be ready,they simply don't want to,they feel the dating dynamics suits him better than a committed relationship, they want to be financially stable and have their careers in place, etc ( the list continues as every man is different).. Some man want to enjoy the benefits of a relationship without taking the responsibility. The statement " It is better to have a courtship that is broken than a marriage" applies here . 
I have heard many testimonies of young women who have dated men for many years (3+years)  during their  prime youthful years just to tell them " you are not the one", after several years of keeping her hopes up. I wonder if those men did not know she was not the one after a year of dating, perhaps 2 years but to wait for  numerous years  before calling it off is inconsiderate. If you are one those women who have been hurt by such men, simply trust in the Lord, stand firm in your prayer -at times God uses the mechanism of time to heal.

Psalm 37:5-7
New International Version (NIV)

⁵ Commit your way to the Lord;
    trust in him and he will do this:
⁶ He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,
    your vindication like the noonday sun.

⁷ Be still before the Lord
    and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when people succeed in their ways,
    when they carry out their wicked schemes.

PS: If you know more types of  men to add to the list feel to add in the comments below. It'll be interesting to know what other women think

10 Things Woman do to Destroy their Marriage!

NOW! To balance the scale I must post about the things women do to destroy their marriages since a couple months ago I posted what Men Did..
 So Women its your turn, here it goes.

While both husband and wife should take responsibility for their part in a marriage, below are ten mistakes common to women, which can completely destroy a marriage.

1. Using words to hurt, maim and destroy your marriage: Although men are stronger, women have the advantage when it comes to verbal strength. Women are adept at brandishing the sharpest words in order to shame, demean and belittle their man. Words are like toothpaste. Once they are out, there is no getting them back in. Regardless of how sorry you are afterward, the damage has been done.

2. Having unrealistic expectations: 

Seeking fulfillment from one person, and projecting your unhappiness onto him when he doesn’t measure up will quickly destroy your marriage. If you feel unhappy, first examine reality. You will be happier if you shape your expectations to fit the reality of your situation. Expecting your spouse or children to make you happy is unrealistic. Make yourself happy.

3. Using sarcastic and critical statements, gestures, and facial expressions. This is a quick and easy way to show your husband that you don’t respect him or his opinion. Men can become overwhelmed by the barrage of criticism coming at them. The result is they shut down, withdraw, and seek kindness and approval elsewhere.

4. Criticize him, make fun of him and belittle him to your friends and family: Not only will this diminish your husband in your eyes, it will poison those closest to you. You force them to take sides, and of course they choose your side, because they want to be loyal to you. They will not look at your husband  in the same manner. Once you are over your tirade, they will still be mad at him. Your close friendships and relationships will remain irreparably altered against your husband, in time, this can destroy your marriage.

5. Withhold affection and sex: Men are wired differently than women. They need physical release through sexual intimacy. When you refuse to meet that need, you are making a much deeper statement; you do not care about or respect his needs. As much as you need emotional release and closeness, he is wired to need physical release and closeness. Neither is wrong. You are just different. While you want your emotional needs met, it is important not to lose sight of his needs. Think of it this way; what if he stopped talking to you for three days? How about a week? What if he didn’t talk to you for a month? Unconscionable. Likewise, it is unfair for you to cut him off from what he needs.

6. Disrespecting his insight, opinions and advice: Men are fixers. By nature, if you present a problem, he will come up with concrete steps to solve the problem. When you are dismissive, it sends the message that you do not value him. If you just want to  complain, call a girlfriend. Girlfriends are great listeners. They will not try to fix you. 

However, if you MUST whine at your husband, tell him UPFRONT  that you don’t need a solution, just an ear to hear. Sometimes, you might actually follow his advice. It could just work!

7. Undermining his authority, but demanding he take full responsibility:

 Be gracious in light of his decision making. You can respectfully disagree with a decision without attacking his ability to lead.

8. Never being happy: One of the quickest ways to destroy your marriage is to spend all your time acting miserable and unhappy. The goal of marriage should be peace and happiness.There is no need to express every angry, bitter or resentful thought. By owning your own problems, you can take responsibility for your own happiness. Each day, work on bringing your best self into the relationship. Regardless of what happens, you are only one thought away from peace.

9. Demoralizing him and crushing his spirit: 

If asked, most men believe their wives to be more moral and spiritual than themselves. Often, the wife agrees. She does not see herself as sinful or wrong. She feels her greatest “sins” lie in being deeply disappointed by her husband’s failures and her children’s shortcomings. Beyond this, wives typically admit to bad behavior and attitudes, but attribute it to hormones, chemical imbalances and a dysfunctional childhood. Woe to the husband who dares suggest his lovely bride could use improvement in some aspect of her life. Labeled a heartless, uncaring, unrighteous lout, he is silenced by an angered, wounded wife, cloaked in self-righteous indignation. She then feels perfectly justified in attacking every flaw, magnifying every misstep and pointing out every failure, until he feels ashamed for living. You are not your husbands Holy Spirit. Stop trying to correct every little flaw you perceive in his character and set about removing the blinding plank from your own eye.

10. Picking the wrong man. 

 You meet a man. You like him. You start dating. Then you begin to notice the tiny flaws. The chinks in his armor. He yells, just like your dad did. He drinks and becomes abusive. “It’s o.k., ” you tell yourself, “I’ll fix him after we get married.” Stop right there. There is no fixing it. The man you date will be the same man after you are married. 

You cannot change the basic nature of other people. You cannot love them into changing. You cannot nag or pout or complain them into changing. If the relationship feels unhealthy during dating, getting married will not fix it. He will not magically become more responsible, more reliable, or more loving after you marry him. So if you want a good husband, find a good man, date him, and marry him.

While this list may seem daunting, it is important to remember that the main goal of marriage should be peace and happiness. If life is stressful, work on changing your perception. You can see peace instead of stress. You are only one thought away from a peaceful life. If you feel unhappy, seek those thing that will fulfill you in life. Just be happy. The simplest route to something is to just be. The only person you can change is yourself.

Source: http://justsayingbylase.blogspot.com/2011/11/top-10-things-women-do-to-destroy-their.html

What Does the Bible Have to Say?

 And the Lord God said, it is not good that the man should be alone, I will make him an help meet for him.
--Genesis 2:18

 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
--Genesis 2:24

Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins. --Proverbs 10:12  Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord. --Proverbs 18:22  Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband; and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. --I Corinthians 7:2-4

 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice. And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.
--Ephesians 4:31, 32

 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 

--Ephesians 5:21-33

 Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.
--Hebrews 13:4

"A Voice from the Grave"

This post, is one that left me in tears..It shows the gravity of marrying into the wrong hands. I truly pray 
that her death was not in vain; if it benefits JUST ONE PERSON,IT WILL BE ENOUGH...


PS: Kindly listen to the warnings in your heart, sometimes it might just be the Holy Spirit..

Ogochukwu Onuchukwu (Nee Onugu). 23/10/1976 - 27/2/2012 

Praying Unmarried Woman simply read this letter written by someone who was part of her life and witnessed her struggles till her dying moments .{In the Voice of  Nee Onugu}

----

         My mum is crying. I can see  her from here. She has aged since the last time I saw her. Why does she look so old and why is she so thin? Can someone console her? Can someone make her stop  crying? [...]

Can someone bring Kamsi and Amanda to me? Can someone bring my babies to me? I need to hug them, Kamsi, especially. Is he crying too and calling out for me? Does he understand that I  am gone? Kamsi will miss me. 

He is a special child, you know; Kamsiyochukwu - my son and my first child. 

         I prayed and longed for his birth. He was the blessing  from above that would seal Kevin’s love for me and give me some footing in his  home and some acceptance from his family. 

 Before Kamsi, I was a nobody in Kevin’s home. I was born the last of nine children, the baby of the family. I was used to love and affection. I was  everyone’s baby. I grew up knowing that everyone had my back, I grew up knowing  the safety and security of being the baby of the home. You may then understand  my shock when I stepped out of my home and into new territory with the man of my  dreams only to find that I was really not as special as I had been made to  believe. I look back to that day when Kevin took me home to introduce me to my new family. The cold and rude shock of the welcome his brother’s wife gave me  set off an alarm in my head.

       These people didn’t think I was special. In fact,  her first words were, ”Kevin, ebe   kwa ka isi dute nka?” (Kevin, “Where on earth did you bring this one from?) That would be the first time I would be addressed as “this one” and from  then on, I grappled with the realization that I was not welcome in my new home.
 
I remember my first Christmas  at Ihiala as a new bride. My brother-in-law’s wife would sneer and clap and  refer to me as “Ndi ji ukwu azo akwu” (the people who process palm fruits with  their bare feet). I knew she meant my impoverished home town of Nsukka. She  would sing to me all day long telling me the only reason why their brother  married me was because of my beauty and complexion.
 
Now, I lie here and I wonder  if I was in my right mind to ignore the several other alarms over my 12- year  union with Kevin.

         I had to ignore them, I told  myself. I had already taken my vows to be with Kevin until death did us  part.

       They never really wanted me, I  can now see. But I was too blinded by love to realize that. I needed to do  something to cement Kevin’s heart with mine. I needed to remain Kevin’s wife and  to prove to the world that indeed Love would conquer  all.

       When after one year of  marriage there were still no children, the painful journey that sent me to my  grave started. I went from specialist to specialist, ingested every kind of pill  that promised to boost my fertility. As my desperation grew, so did pressure  from Kevin’s family. My horror-movie life story started playing out; the  horror-movie life that has sent me to an early and cold grave from where I write  this letter to my husband. 

----

Below is a letter dedicated to her husband..

My sweet Kevin,

We started to fight over  little things. The fights were worse after you visited home or attended any of  your numerous family meetings. You came home one evening and asked me to move  out of the bedroom we both shared and into the guestroom downstairs. The next  time you returned from the meeting, you tied me up with a rope and used your  belt on me. No one heard my screams.

      I remember when you told me  that your family had asked you to remarry. You showed me documents of all your  numerous landed property including the house we lived in. Your brother was  listed as next of kin. When I asked you about it, your answer rocked the ground  I was standing on. You said, “What have you to show that entitles you to any  stake in this household?” You were referring to my  barreness.

 It is funny how to my family  and friends, I was the beautiful and loving Ogo, whilst to you and your family I  was a worthless piece of rag. You called me barren. I could have fled but your  love and acceptance was of more worth to me than the love and admiration of the  world outside our home. I desperately sought to be loved by you, Kevin. 

In your  family’s presence I felt unworthy, unloved and unwanted. Yet, I stayed on. I  would make you love me one way or the other and I knew that one sure way would 

be to produce a child, an heir for you. That was the most important thing to  you.

 I began the numerous  procedures, painful procedures, including surgery. I gave myself daily shots. At  some point the needles could no longer pierce my skin. My skin had toughened to  the piercing pain of needles.

After seven years of marriage,  our prayers were answered. God blessed us with our son Kamsiyochukwu, which  means ‘’Just as I asked of the Lord’’. God had intervened and miracles were  about to start happening because for the first time in seven years, my  mother-in-law called me. Finally I was home. I had been accepted. I was now a woman, a wife and a mother. Finally there was peace. Kamsi will be four in  November.

The miracles stayed with me  because 18 months later through another procedure, Chimamanda was born. Her  birth was bitter sweet for me. Sweet because you Kevin, my husband, and my  in-laws would love me more for bearing a second child, but bitter because this  particular birth almost cost me my life. The doctors had become very concerned.  You see, I had developed too many complications from all the different  procedures I had undergone in the journey to have children and these were beginning to get in the way of normal everyday living. I developed conditions  that had almost become life threatening.   So the doctors sent me off with my new bundle of joy and with a stern  warning not to try for another child as I may not be so lucky. 

I chuckled,  almost gleefully. Why would I want to try for a third child? God had given me a  boy and a girl, what more could I ask for. I was only ever so thankful to God. 

       Kevin, you and I gave numerous and very generous donations to different churches  in thanksgiving to God. All was well. I was happy and fulfilled. Kevin, you  loved me again. Your family accepted me. Life was good. And all was quiet again.  …………………… For a while.

 Then fate struck me a blow. As  if to remind me that my stay in your house was temporary and was never really  going to be peaceful, Kamsi – our son, our first fruit, my pride and joy and the  child that gave me a place in my husband’s home, began to show signs of slowed  development; the visits to the doctors resumed, this time on account of Kamsi. 

We started seeing therapists. After we’d been from one doctor to another I  decided I had to resort to prayer. I was frightened. I was terrified. I was threatened. I started to feel unwell. I had difficulty breathing. I needed to  see my doctors, Kamsi too. He wasn’t doing too well either. He had difficulty with his speech. He was slow to comprehend things. I did not know for sure what  was wrong with him but I knew all was not well. Not with him and not with me. We 

were denied visas to the USA because we had overstayed on our last trip on  account of Kamsi’s treatments. So whilst we waited for a lawyer to help us clear up the immigration issues with America, I applied for a UK visa and sought help  in London. But by then, trouble had reared its head at home, again. 

         Kevin, you  had again become very impatient with me. My fears were fully alive again. The  battles it seemed I had won were again in full rage. My husband, in your irritable impatience and anger, you told me to my face that our son, my Kamsi,  was worthless to you. You said he was abnormal. You said that our daughter, my Amanda, was a girl and that you had no need for a girl child because she would  someday be married off. I remember, in pain, that you didn’t attend Amanda’s christening because you were upset with me. You told me your mother was more important to you than “THESE THINGS” I brought to your house. You were referring to our children, were you not? “THESE THINGS”.

My heart bled. I wept  bitterly. Then I quickly calmed my fears by telling myself that you were under a  lot of stress at work and that you were also probably reacting to all the money  that you had spent on my treatments. Surely, all that was getting to you?  Even when you threatened me with a  knife, twice you did that, I still felt unworthy of you and very deserving of  your hatred. Even when you would say: “I will kill you and nothing will happen  because you have no one to fight for you”, I kept on struggling to get you to  love me because, Kevin, your validation was important to  me

 You had refused to give me  money for my medical trip to London. I knew then it was because you had your  hands full with caring and catering for everybody who was dear to you. Your  finances were stretched. I thought then that in time you would come around.

My health continued to get  worse. Eventually, I made it to London.   After extensive consultations and tests, I was given a definitive  diagnosis. My condition was life threatening. It was from this time, when it was  clear that I required surgery to save me life that I came face to face with a  different kind of war from our home. 

Kevin, you stopped speaking with me. I was  in pain, in anguish and in tears. I didn’t understand what was happening. I had  stayed three weeks in London and Kevin, you never called, sent a text or  inquired how I was faring. You stopped taking my calls. Instead I got a call  from my cousin in whose care I had left my children. She was frantic with worry  because there was no food in the house for the children to eat; Kevin you had  refused to provide food for our children. Kevin, you had also refused to pay for  Kamsi’s home schooling.

Then Kevin, I received that e-mail from you. The only communication from you for the entire period I was in  London. 

Do you remember? It was an angry email. You berated me for putting your  integrity at stake at your work place. Apparently your employers had called a  hospital in London to inquire about me and were told that no one by my name was  ever their patient. I  later found out that you had given the wrong  hospital name to your employers. Do you remember, Kevin?

For the first time in my 12  year marriage, the alarm bells in my head began to sound real. For the first  time in 12 years, I felt real anger stir up in my heart. Kevin, I was angry  because you paid no heed to the hospital where your wife was at in London. You  had no clue and cared little about what I was going through. Yet you would berate me for putting your INTEGRITY at work at stake. Your integrity was your  primary concern, not my health.

Then it hit me! All these  years I was trying to be all I could be for you, Kevin, to make you happy, to  please you, Kevin, ……… you actually hated me. You didn’t want me in your life. The signs were all there. Your family had showed me from day one that they  didn’t want me. I was the object of a hatred that I could not explain. I 

couldn’t understand why.

Then I saw the hand writing on  the wall, all those many things that went on. You even sold my car whilst I was  still lying on a hospital bed in London, with no word to me. I was not to learn  of what you had done until I returned to Nigeria. The doctors had allowed me to  return to prepare for surgery. 

Kevin, do you remember that on  my return I gave you a pair of shoes I had bought for you? Kevin, my husband, do  you remember hurling those shoes at me? Kevin, do you remember me breaking down  in tears? Kevin, do you remember me asking you that night, many times over, why  you hated me so much, what I had done to make you hate me as much as you did?

“You are disturbing me, and if you continue, I`ll move out and inform the  company that I no longer live in the house. Then they will come and drive you  away”. Kevin, my husband, that was your response to me. Did you know then I only  had days to live?  Is that why you  told me that would be the last time I would see you physically? Did you know it would only be a few more hours?

I still had a surgery to go  through. Kevin, since you wanted no part in it, I had contacted the medical  officer in your company directly for referrals. I left Eket for Lagos on Saturday. That same day I consulted with the specialist surgeon and surgery was  scheduled for Monday morning.

In those final hours, as I  prepared for my surgery, I was alone, my spirit was broken. I had lost all the  fight in me. Kevin, I knew that nothing I did or said would turn you heart  toward me, and I had nobody for whom you had any regards who would speak up for  me.

In those final hours, Kevin, I  called you. This was Sunday morning, less than 24 hours to my death. Do you  remember, Kevin? I called you to share what the specialist surgeon had said. I  was still shaking from your screams on the phone when I got in here. You did not  want me to bother you, you screamed. I should  go to my brothers and sisters,  you screamed. I should pay you back all the money you gave me for my treatment  in London, you screamed. Kevin, did you know that would be my last conversation  with you? My last conversation with you, my husband, my love, my life, ended  with you banging the phone on me.

Recalling the abusive words,  the spitting, the beating, the bruising, the knifing, and the promise that I  would not live long for daring to forget to buy garden eggs for your mother, an  insult you vowed I would pay for with my life ……., I knew then it was over for  me. There was no rationalizing needed any longer. Even the blind could see ………. You did not want me in your life.

 I went in for surgery on  Monday morning, February 27, 2012, and after battling for several hours, I  yielded my spirit.

Kevin, my husband, I lived my  promise to God. The promise I made on the day I wedded  you.

 For better ………………………… For  worse

 For richer …………………………. For poorer

 In Sickness ………………………. And in health

To love ………………………….. And to  cherish

 Till DEATH US DO PART!

And it  has.

 NOW I AM  DEAD!!!!!!!

 Just as your mum predicted …..  Her cold words follow me to morgue. She swore to me that I would leave her son’s  house dead or alive. I couldn’t leave whilst I still breathed. It had to be  through death, and death it has  become.

 Kevin, you are FREE! And, so am I.

Your freedom is temporary.  Mine is eternal.

Whilst you still have freedom, remember Kamsi and Chimamanda.

Lovingly yours until death,

 Ogo. 

 I am gone. Gone forever. But  if one woman, just one woman will learn from my story, then maybe I would not  have gone in vain.

My heart weeps for my children, my mummy, my sisters and my brothers, my extended family. These ones,  I was a gift to. These ones, they loved me. These ones, they wanted me. These  ones, they needed me. These ones, they wish I had spoken out earlier. 

http://www.ogorip.com/my-story.html  

Breaking Soul Ties

Hmm! Where do I begin this post. This one is a hard one for some of you ladies out there. A lot of you out there Know that there is better for you out there ..and that the Lord requires that you move on from "him", to open a new chapter in your life. You desperately want to believe that the right guy( God- purposed guy) is out there but you can't seem to get over the wrong guy!


There are so many of you, Praying unmarried woman, that have been in relationships that have not been profitable to you and have left you with a broken heart.. The question someone asked a while ago is "How do I do it!?"


..The answer is not crystal clear--but I sure know what helps..and it is the Holy Spirit , who was sent to you ,not only as a friend, but a comforter.


Kindly watch Teri (the entire 4 parts) and hope she helps
PS: I love her videos, she's  such a sweetheart :)

 I placed part Two as well; from there you can click on the rest (Part 3,4)

"Surprise! Surprise!"

So at the end of last year, I was privileged to have one of my articles published in a Magazine named ReFresh! in Hamilton,Ontario Canada. I thought I should share the article with you, praying unmarried woman . 

When you are dating a man, things tend to have a different norm than when you say “I DO”. I know you may have heard that a million times from your mother and/or experienced married couples- but marriage and dating are incomparable! 

Certain attributes of your spouse, will begin to surface when you are married and sometimes you may wonder “Is this the same person I dated?” Although courting tries to eliminate a number of questions you have about your future husband, some of these answers would be revealed to you ONLY once you share the same roof. (That is not to say that you should co-habit before marriage). Some habits that your spouse has developed have been with him for years, and when you are married you will begin to discover them. (Some you will appreciate and others, not so much). Bottom line is this: when you get married you will have to relearn your partner.

Everyone has different facets to themselves and they are as follows:

The Known Self:  The part of yourself that you are aware of (thoughts and actions) and the part your spouse reveals to you. This side of him you can discover through observation.

The Unknown Self: The part of yourself that you do not know about which lies in the unconscious. This side appears when you have thoughts, feelings and display behavior that don’t   “seem to be quite like you”.

The Hidden Self: The part that keeps all the secret and the things you hope no one finds out about you (thoughts, experiences, feelings). This part you do not share.

The Blind Self: Habits that you are unaware of but are obvious to others. A common example of this is chewing loudly when enjoying a meal; this may seem harmless to you and almost unnoticeable but may irritate those around you.

Pray for God to reveal each side of your potential spouse during the period of courtship -as to have all the information you need before you say “yes” to the groom.     Also pray that he may give you the strength to endure your spouse’s habits when they are revealed to you during the course of your marriage.

"Refresh is a annual magazine printed in Restoration House, Hamilton - a ministry of the Redeemed Christian Church of God (RCCG). RCCG was founded in 1952 and currently has over 6000 parishes around the world."