The Marriage Fix

The title is self explanatory but you definitely want to click on 'Play' to hear the three basic advice that this Pastor shares.

Below is the Part Two:

Dating, Courtship, Marriage

Dear Praying Unmarried Woman,

So this video has some pretty intense advice for you. I had watched it a couple of months ago,

thought I should share it with you.This is truly valuable information as Paul Washer discusses the definition 

of biblical marriages. Watch and be blessed!

"Paul ministered as a missionary in Peru for 10 years, during which time he founded the HeartCry Missionary Society to support Peruvian church planters. HeartCry's work now supports over 100 indigenous missionaries in over 20 countries throughout Eastern Europe, South America, Africa, Asia, and the Middle East. 

Paul now serves as one of the laborers with the HeartCry Missionary Society (www.heartcrymissionary.com). He and his wife Charo have three children: Ian, Evan, and Rowan. "

10 Things Men Do to Destroy their Marriages!

I know this blog is for us women but I do know that there are some of those praying unmarried  MEN who casually stroll in to come and check on what  we ladies are discussing.  So guess what this one is for you! Yes, you mister :)  And of course, to the praying unmarried woman, there is no knowledge that would  not benefit you.

So this post was sent to me by a friend who thought I should share it with you. So without wasting your time, enjoy! 

While both husband and wife should take responsibility for their part in a marriage, below are ten mistakes common to men, which can completely destroy a marriage.

1. Leaving her alone in the marriage: 

One of the quickest ways to destroy your marriage is to leave your wife alone. Spend long hours at work, followed by a beer afterward with the guys. When you get home, don’t engage her or your children. Lose yourself in baseball or computer poker. On the weekends, complain about the messy house, then leave to run errands. Don’t come back for several hours. The most miserable thing for a wife is when you isolate her by emotionally leaving the relationship. Yes, she has friends, and a job. Yes, she spends a lot of time running the kids around. It’s not the same. Her desire is to spend time with You!

2. Not getting too close

 You wife feels energized when she feels close to you. Refusing to let her know you is destructive to your marriage. While you strive to keep your independence, she longs to connect with you. It is not fair to either of you if you are only affectionate and attentive on the days you want sex. Affection and closeness ought to be an end in themselves, not a means to a different end. Talking is not the only way women feel close, although it is an important one. Simple ways to fulfill your wife in this area are to hug her often. Hold her hand. Spend some time alone with her. When her need for closeness is met, she will be more inclined to respect your need for independence.

2 1/2. Closing yourself off to her

 Your wife is not trying to pry or sneak her way into no-mans land. She simply wants you to be open. She wants to “see” you. She feels loved when you share your fears, worries and troubles. She won’t try to fix you. She will listen.(well hopefully!)

3. Always trying to fix her

 When she comes to you to off load the weight of her world, it is a compliment. She knows you can handle it. Rather than try to resolve and repair every issue, try to just listen to her. You might even ask if she needs a solution or just an ear. It will be a relief for both of you when you realize that sometimes you don’t have to fix all the problems. And when you listen, she will feel like you understand her (even if you don’t!).

4. Never say, “I’m sorry.”

 All marriages have conflict. The refusal to apologize is a quick way to destroy yours. While conflict is not a pleasant thing, growth and closeness can increase as conflict is resolved. For your wife, an apology means she has moved forward, through the conflict and is now seeking peace. Many husbands see apologizing as a sure sign of weakness. They think, “If I apologize, she won’t respect me.” On the contrary, if you humbly apologize and ask her forgiveness, your wife will be putty in your hands. Your small act of contrition soothes her spirit, a healing balm over her heart.

5. Taking her insecurity too lightly


 When your wife feels insecure, she may ask if you still think she is pretty. She may ask if you love her. She may ask if you think someone else is more attractive. This is not a trap. She feels she is moving toward you, by asking a question and starting a conversation. Talking is how women feel close. She is seeking your assurance of love and loyalty. Rather than make light of the moment, look at her. No, really look at her. Tell her she is the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. Give her the assurance she seeks, and ease her troubled mind.

6. Ignoring the importance of simple gestures


Your wife does not require fancy jewelry or expensive meals. Granted, those things are nice, and you like to treat your wife. It isn’t always necessary. She feels loved by the small tokens of your love and appreciation. When you neglect the small things, it may feel to her like you are trying to buy her affection, or ease your own guilt, with the big things. Let your wife know that she is on your mind during the day. A single rose when you walk in the door speaks volumes to her language of love. For her, the most important days of the year are her birthday and the day she married you. Celebrate these days by spending time with just her. It will mean more than any expensive gift ever could. The cost of the gift is secondary to the thought you put into it.

A divorce is like an amputation: you survive it, but there's less of you.
Margaret Atwood

7. Taking all the fun out of sex


When you confuse sex with intimacy, it’s no fun. When you are married, your wife needs thoughtful consideration. Start in the morning with a kiss. Tell her she’s beautiful. Women never get tired of hearing that from the man they love. Help get the kids ready for school. After work, ask about her day. Slow. Slow. Slow. If you want to bring the fun back into sex, think thoughtfulness. 

8. Getting lost in bitterness and anger


When you shut your wife out, to brood in your despair, it fills her with fear. Women like to talk things out. Men like to shut things out. When you feel stressed about work, about money, about your relationship, you turn inward. This provokes your wife’s fear of abandonment and rejection. She thinks you don’t love her when you refuse to speak. This fear, and her desire to resolve conflict, cause your wife to pursue you. She wants to talk it out, not to belittle or demean you, but to feel closer. She wants you to trust her, so she can trust you.

9. Not taking responsibility


Whether it’s an addiction, an affair or poor performance in your life, many times, husbands point to their wives as the reason for their weakness. “She makes me drink because of her nagging. I cheated because she wouldn’t take care of me. I’m doing poorly because she never encourages me.” It’s time to take full responsibility for your own behavior. You choose to drink. You choose to cheat. You choose to work or not work. Rather than blame someone or something else, stand up, take control and make your life reflect the values you desire. Your life is completely under your control. Today, you can choose differently.

10. Picking the wrong woman. Again. And again. 


A woman in distress, moving from crisis to crisis, will continue to be  a distress after you marry her. A nitpicking woman who criticizes your every decision will continue to nitpick. A control freak always wants control, even after the wedding. If you want a nice wife, then date a nice woman and marry her. Treat her with love and respect and she will return the kindness. Trying to rescue a woman in distress will only lead you to feel used and unappreciated. A strong marriage begins with a goodwilled woman and a goodwilled man. It flourishes as you both grow in love and respect toward each other.

While this list may seem daunting, it is important to remember that the main goal of marriage should be peace and happiness. If life is stressful, work on changing your perception. You can see peace instead of stress. You are only one thought away from a peaceful life. If you feel unhappy, seek those thing that will fulfill you in life. Just be happy. The simplest route to something is to just be. The only person you can change is yourself.

Source: http://justsayingbylase.blogspot.com/2011/11/top-10-things-men-do-to-destroy-their.html

The One Who Loves You..

I will advise you praying unmarried woman that you be equipped with the necessary tools that God instituted regarding union. It is true that we all have sinned but do consult your Bible often and read Eph 5 23-33.Do not marry because you are in love, marry the man that loves you; be obedient to him and God will bless you with divine insight and foresight necessary to run a home, Love Rita O.

"Do not marry because you are in love,marry a man that loves you"

Passage referred in Advice: 

Ephesians 5:23-33

New International Version (NIV)

²³ For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. ²⁴Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

 ²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her ²⁶ to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,²⁷ and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. ²⁸ In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹ After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— ³⁰ for we are members of his body. ³¹ “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” ³² This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. ³³ However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

7 Keys to a Successful Beginning

Dear Praying Unmarried Woman,

With my experience of being married for over thirty years, here are a few advices that I would suggest you pay attention to. I call it “The 7 Keys to a Successful Beginning”.

   1.        Always pray to God to bring the right future partner across your way.

In a world of over six billion people, you meet people of all walks of life and the chance that you make a mistake in choosing the wrong partner, is not unlikely. Living a prayerful life is vital as you want God’s guidance in the decision you make regarding your future.

Be a prayerful person for God hears and answers prayers according to His will. He said '' ask and it shall be given unto you, seek and ye shall find and knock and the door shall be opened unto you''.

 Note that it is according to his will. What parent gives their child something that is not good for them talk less of God Almighty.

2. Courtship is very important.

Courtship is like the appetizer before the meal. It shows you a glimpse of the person’s personality and temperament. During courtship you learn the basics about your future spouse and in those instances you can determine whether to say “I do”. If you feel that there is an issue that bothers you about the person you are courting it is important to raise the topic because as a spouse you cannot change your husband. Also know that it is never too late to call it quits on the relationship if you feel that the person is not a suitable partner. You do not have to wait for the invitation to be sent and the bridesmaids’ dresses to be bought, before you change your mind.

3.   Know your future partner's family background

Scientists say that we are made of two things, and that is nurture and nature. Nurture is how we were raised up and how the environment where we were raised plays a role in our character. Carefully analyze the family of your intended spouse and see whether you can live with them. Someone once said, “you do not marry only a man, you marry his family as well”. So, I advise that you know the family background of your intended spouse. Because, we are usually the replicas of our parents.

PS:  The way your parents have brought you up may be different from the way his parents brought him up. The values your parents may have emphasized may not have been emphasized by his. So do not be angry when you do not share the same light on certain issues.

4. Communication is the best key in any relation

Any relationship without communication is not a healthy relationship. You do not want to be in a situation where you cannot voice out your opinion. Let’s admit it, women like to talk more than men but as women let us find a balance where we can also listen.

It’s simple:

 a) Be a good listener

b) Contribute in communication where necessary, do not be a careless talker.

5  Humility

Marriage will require a whole lot of humility from both parties. In the course of your marriage your husband will definitely step on your toes and you likewise. Humility will allow you to say “I am sorry” even when you feel you are right, especially for the sake of peace.

Still talking about humility; do not put anyone down or feel superior to the other person.

6.  Let the other person know your Do’s and Don'ts.

7 Never say I will change him/her because you cannot change any grown up person. It is God that changes human beings either through life experiences (for example through the ups and downs in life.)

Some people say love is blind; love is blind for those who want to be blinded by it. Praying young woman, you need the spirit of discernment to know the right or the wrong person.

Youth is the best part of our life, guard it preciously. Life is so precious; please do not waste it with regrets and “Had I known”.

May God empower you all with the gift of the Holy Spirit always  in Jesus name amen. 

"He's your Prince Charming, but you're not his Cinderella?"

“A lot of young women are patiently waiting for a prince charming, but please realize that no one is perfect, not even you!”

I was in the process of writing something for you dear praying unmarried woman, when this quote came to mind and I realized that it is actually very true. 

We as women have come to expect a prince charming. Someone who fulfills all the aspects in ‘our list’, of what we want our future husband to be, however we don’t bother to work on ourselves. We neglect the fact that the manner we judged others (potential suitors) it may be the same way that others are judging us. “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the same measure you use, It will be measured to you” Matthew 7: 1-2

“I have discovered over the years that when singles want to get married, they spend a lot of energy looking for the right person. Somehow, people just assume that when they reach a certain age, they are ready for marriage whether or not they have developed the right qualities and values. 

Marriage is not about your age but character, commitment, discipline, patience, kindness, humility [and much more].

People do not have good marriages because they wish or pray to have a good marriage; it takes a lot of hard work[ to have a successful marriage]. 
This is why it is very important that we not only marry the right person but each of us must also be the right person for the man/woman we intend to marry.”(Odukoya)

“The Art of a Good Marriage”

by Wilferd Arlan Peterson

"A good marriage must be created.
In marriage the "little" things are the big things.
It is never being too old to hold hands.
It is remembering to say, ”I love you" at least once a day.
It is never going to sleep angry.
It is having a mutual sense of values, and common objectives.
It is standing together and facing the world.
It is forming a circle that gathers in the whole family.
It is speaking words of appreciation, and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways.
It is having the capacity to forgive and forget.
It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow.
It is a common search for the good and the beautiful.
It is not only marrying the right person -- it is being the right partner."